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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25459273">Echoes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesunsaid/pseuds/thesunsaid'>thesunsaid</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Gen, Not Really Character Death, Post-Dragon Age II Quest - The Deep Roads Expedition, Survivor Guilt, Warden!Bethany</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:07:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,723</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25459273</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesunsaid/pseuds/thesunsaid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Marian returns home after the expedition to the Deep Roads without Bethany, knowing that she'll have to explain everything to Leandra when she arrives.</p><p>----</p><p>
  <i>To be fair, in Marian's hubris she hadn't expected the Deep Roads to go exactly the way they had. She'd given Bartrand more money than was sensible to join his expedition. She had it on the word of Varric they knew what they were doing. They had a Warden who knew how to warn them, how to navigate. In the end, it was fucking lucky they'd had Anders at along when it came down to it. If it hadn't been for his quick thinking, Marian would've had to go back to her mother with a few meaningless coins, a broken party and a devastating story about the loss of her remaining sibling.</i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Hawke &amp; Leandra Hawke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Every Woman 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Echoes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sumi/gifts">Sumi</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I really loved your prompt about Hawke dealing with her guilt after this. I hope that you like what I came up with.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She never should've taken Bethany into the Deep Roads.</p><p>Her mother had given her such a look that last day in Kirkwall when she'd decided to let Bethany come with their expedition. She thought at the time she was doing the right thing, giving Mom and Gamlen time to deal with whatever they needed to deal with to get their old family home back. And with Bethany's magic in an unfamiliar city and the off-color things their Uncle had said about Bethany, it didn't feel right leaving her at home. But that broken-hearted, teary-eyed look their mother had given her as they strode away to join Bartrand's expedition into the Deep Roads, it had haunted her.</p><p>Carver's death nearly a year before had broken their mother in ways none of them had expected. With a project like getting their family home back which meant making nice with old friends she'd left behind when she and their father had run away from Kirkwall all those years ago, it seemed a little like she'd been coming back into herself. She thought her mother would bury herself in that work, in those old friendships, and she wouldn't worry as much. It wasn't three teenagers against Darkspawn, it was a cavern exploration with a fully experienced and well-funded party of dwarves. She figured whatever anger or sadness her mother had held that day they'd left would dissipate with time.</p><p>And maybe it had.</p><p>To be fair, in Marian's hubris she hadn't expected the Deep Roads to go exactly the way they had. She'd given Bartrand more money than was sensible to join his expedition. She had it on the word of Varric they knew what they were doing. They had a Warden who knew how to warn them, how to navigate. In the end, it was fucking lucky they'd had Anders at along when it came down to it. If it hadn't been for his quick thinking, Marian would've had to go back to her mother with a few meaningless coins, a broken party and a devastating story about the loss of her remaining sibling.</p><p>It was all stupid in retrospect. All avoidable. All terrible and dumb and she should've known better. She -- of all people -- should've known better than to take Bethany along. Her baby sister.</p><p>This news she carried wasn't the worst it could be. But when she was honest with herself under the dark Deep Road cavern ceilings and dismal, drifting firelight, she knew it would still be devastating for their mother. Marian felt Bethany's loss already like a wound in her heart, tightening at her shoulder and filled with guilt and what-ifs. It didn't have to be world-breaking. It was loss of a sort, but not death. Not now, not yet.</p><p>At least, for the first time in her also dreadfully short life, Marian was praying. If Andraste owed their family anything, she owed them this; Bethany safely escorted to the Wardens and a peaceful completion of their secretive and possibly deadly ritual. Anders had encouraged her with comforting words of Bethany's good chances as he carried her off. Bless him for trying. But Marian was staring down the road that led them out of the Deep Roads and then onward to the small shack Gamlen called home, with the weight of what she had to tell her mother. That news, her own worry, her shame and grief, and deep, deep guilt -- it weighed down every step. It dulled her senses.</p><p>The trip felt home felt longer and darker than the trip in. It didn't matter if they knew the way. It didn't matter they'd been betrayed; problems for another day. Her friends attempted to comfort her but it was of little use. They hadn't been there when Carver died. She'd been responsible then too, hadn't she? Her mother had implied as much, with no hesitation. Her mother had looked at her with such betrayal, such anger. That had driven part of Marian's deep eagerness to go on this trip in the first place, to increase her fortune and lift her and Bethany out from the weight of their mother's grief.</p><p>It'd been a selfish desire. And perhaps this was how she would pay for it.</p><p>As if Marian and Bethany hadn't also grieved for their brother. Self-righteous ass that he was, Carver had deserved more years to make a fool of himself. He'd deserved to be a soldier like he wanted, to serve some greater cause. Marian and Bethany had only each other with his death. Three grieving women should've been able to comfort each other, but Leandra retreated from them, fearful and angry.</p><p>Now Marian would be alone with the weight of their decisions. Her decisions. Her choices to try and protect her family and failing… so miserably. She hated the thought of opening the door to Gamlen's house, of having to explain and defend the actions she and her friends had taken. She hated that she was the one to bear this news.</p><p>Varric had offered to come with her but she waved him goodbye and said he was sure to see her again, drowning herself in ale at The Hanged Man. He'd accepted her terms but he'd eyed her warily as he backed out of the alley, watching as she stood in front of a closed door and pressed her forehead against it.</p><p>She breathed in the deep, stale stink of Low Town and closed her eyes. The door smelled like sour ale and something warmer and sweet like bread or honey. Anders had given her his promise the Wardens would watch over Bethany and that if everything went well her sister would never worry about being taken in by a Circle again. She held onto that to comfort herself. And she listened for the tiny, raspy voice of her sister telling her, "<em>it's okay, let me try</em>". Bethany's smile in the face of pain and adversity was a beacon for her swirling thoughts to come to ground.</p><p>However well she could comfort herself, at least temporarily, she didn't think her mother would take it quite so well. She wiped away a tear from the corner of her eye and steeled herself up, knocking on the door twice before letting herself in.</p><p>"Mother? Hello?" It was dark and the house was quiet. "Mom, I'm-- Mom?"</p><p>She walked into the shadows of the open bedroom door on the other side of the kitchen. Someone was stirring. She took a breath and squared her shoulders.</p><p>"Mom? Are you awake?"</p><p>Marian wanted to pray her mother was deep asleep and put off this conversation for another day. But as she entered the room she and Bethany had shared, she found her mother sitting on the bottom bunk with her legs crossed under her skirt. Her eyes were deep set with shadows and she had a lit candle and a statue of Andraste on the floor in front of her.</p><p>"Marian?" Her mother said as she finally looked up at her eldest daughter. She scrambled to stand and Marian leaned down to help her, noticing the whole way how her mother strained to look beyond the open door. Her mother sighed, leaning heavily against her as she stood. She seemed lighter, weaker, than when she and Bethany had left her.</p><p>Of course she couldn't have trusted Gamlen to take care of his sister. Of course she'd be here when he was who knew where drinking up whatever money she'd left behind with Leandra.</p><p>"Mom?"</p><p>"Beth? Bethany? Where's your sister?" Leandra pushed away from her, making for the door and nearly knocking over her candle in the process. The tiny Andrastian idol had not survived the moment, toppling back and skittering across the floor into the opposite wall with the shuffling of her mother's feet.</p><p>"Hey Mom, I need--" She sucked in a breath. "Mom, Bethany didn't come back with me.'</p><p>Leandra leaned on the door frame, head bent forward into the dim light of the kitchen. Marian heard her breath stutter and watched her mother's back and shoulders bend an release with a similar breath.</p><p>"We met some Wardens in the Deep Roads and she's gone with them. To join them."</p><p>Marian had practiced some version of this more than a dozen times now. It hurt to begin with a half-truth, but she didn't know how to lose her mother immediately before the story could be told. So she began as such and nudged her mother in the back and into the kitchen. <br/><br/>"Let me make some tea and tell you the story."</p><p>"The Wardens," her mother murmured. "Like that man of Aveline's."</p><p>Marian nodded. "Sort of." She gestured to the table in the center of the room. "Come on, sit down."</p><p>"She's alive? She's okay? You didn't leave my baby girl in that horrid place?" Her mother's voice was rising in pitch and the words came faster. "Tell me what happened. Tell me what you did. Marian! Answer me!"</p><p>And there it was. Marian shook her head and turned away from her mother to focus on making tea. She whispered quietly to herself, "Andraste save me." She hoped so. It'd be days, weeks or more before they could get word from the Wardens one way or another.</p><p>"I don't want tea, I want you to tell me what happened."</p><p>She wanted tea though, she wanted the steady, practiced motions and soft sounds that came with the habit of brewing a new pot. She wanted a few more minutes before laying her whole soul bare before her mother, all her guilt and grief and adding to her mother's burdens. Just another thing to worry about consistently.</p><p>"Marian!"</p><p>"Okay, okay."</p><p>So she did. The whole dirty, terrible tale.<br/>She cried.</p><p>Leandra wailed.</p><p>And after a long time Marian made tea. Bad, but warm and the bitterness coated in honey until it was all she could taste. Her mother took a cup too but refused to touch it.</p><p>And after another, longer time where there was nothing but silence and the sound of wind whistling through the slats of their shared home, Leandra pushed away from the table and went back to the room. She closed the door behind her, leaving Marian in the half-dark with two cups of cooling tea and a colder shoulder.</p>
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